This morning I did something I seldom do. I made breakfast for my family. I'm sharing this, not because the event itself was significant, but because what motivated it was pure and simple love, and the pure joy I felt in delivering such a simple act.
Turns out this Epiphany (yes it was one) is also directly related to an unusual and significant meeting in the sky this week of Mars and Uranus.
When Mars and Uranus meet the Universe is asking us —-Do You See Life Differently? Did you get the Lesson I was trying to teach you?
Mars governs our will, our sense of drive and determination and Uranus governs our inner quest for truth and individual freedom. According to Evolutionary Astrologist Jeffrey Green, Uranus is calling us to be more of whom we were created to be, not conditioned to be.
I didn’t realize it but making breakfast represented a culmination of years of efforts to undue how I was conditioned around giving and receiving. Who knew such a simple act as making breakfast could have such big ramifications?
But that’s how it often works in life, right? It’s not always or even often the significant events that stand out as our biggest growth opportunities.
I was raised in a house where expectations were often attached to giving. And where you looked outside yourself for approval. I've spent most of my adult life learning how to give and receive from a place of genuine love, no expectations, no resentments.
Trust me when I say this has been a journey.
My mode of operation for most of my life has been a mix of always be in control (which I confused with being responsible) always be strong, always be doing, always proving.
Throw into the mix, a natural independence streak, a career as a lawyer that encouraged more of the same, and a divorce that seemed to affirm my belief that the only person I can rely upon is myself---and I have been pretty wired for most of my life to repel receiving from others.
And then five years ago I opened myself up enough to receive my Second Chance chance to learn about giving and receiving love with Tim and our five children.
In the beginning blending families was rough. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It is possibly one of the most difficult things you can do. Add to the mix that we had two teens and two tweens and the amount of neediness could have filled a semi-truck. It felt crushing to me because as the mom, I thought it was my role to fill everyone's void.
I quickly reverted to my autopilot mode of overdoing. I'm sure, on an unconscious level, I was hoping all these unsolicited acts of "doing" would result in my proverbial cup running over with the heaps of love I would receive because everyone would appreciate me so, so much.
You can probably guess that didn't happen. In fact the opposite happened. Not only did no one appreciate my martyrdom, I went down the all too familiar rabbit hole of losing myself in 'service' of doing for others. And my cup became very, very dry.
This mode of hyper independence, and over giving, also meant I didn’t have a lot left over to give to my new consulting business.
One of the gifts of opening ourselves up to receiving support from another, whether it’s a spouse or a partner or a co-parent is the sense of spaciousness that comes from knowing someone else has got your back. That you alone are not responsible for shouldering either the psychic load or the financial load. And the opportunity to learn to fill ourselves up with love from ourselves first.
I can't know for sure, but in the beginning I was so desperate for relief from feeling the heavy feeling of being a single mom, that I gobbled up the support that was offered.
I prioritized self-care in a more significant way, and I became self employed when we got married, I had some flexibility to learn from setbacks and disappointments instead of just “soldiering on.”
Eventually this combination led to course correcting in some pretty big areas where I realized I wasn’t feeling nourished, including switching careers and ending certain friendships.
As my cup began to fill up, I noticed a more expanded sense of generosity, toward myself and others. There was more of a lightness to my interactions. It feels deeply affirming because I receive from and am nourished at a much deeper soul level from my clients and the work I do then I ever did as a consultant.
And as it often the case when I notice shifts in my energy, I tune in and pay attention to what is happening astrologically.
This week it felt as if the expansiveness multiplied ten more fold. And it makes sense given the unusual conjunction of Mars and Uranus. .
And it dawns on me that this expansiveness I’m feeling inside is a reflection of the energetic shake up the Universe is expressing.
As above so below.
Uranus has been in Aries for nearly 9 years. Testing all of us around our ability to assert ourselves (assertion is one of the primary expressions of Aries’ energy) and our own unique truth.
(Look out Taurus. You’re next when Uranus moves into Taurus around March 19. Wherever Uranus goes, there are profound shake-ups to the status quo.)
Aries falls in my First House, or the house of self, where we take our stand and make our choices in life. Where we define ourselves.
It feels particularly significant, and the most wonderful Valentines Day gift imaginable to be sharing this delightful new perspective on my own expanded capacity for love.
I've learned that until we truly love ourselves unconditionally it's hard to not only receive but to give with no expectations.
When we are needy, there is a weightiness to our interactions with others that is subtle but real and repels the natural flow of giving and receiving.
It seems like on Valentines Day everything we read is “other oriented,” telling others we love them, looking to others to fill us up.
Don’t get me wrong. I'm a huge fan of expressing our love for others.
But at the risk of sounding cliché, and especially as women, its imperative, because we are the caretakers, that we always need to remember to “put on our oxygen mask first.” Martyrdom is generally short lived and of little value to others if we are incapacitated.
What made the breakfast thing so special, unlike many hundreds if not thousands of meals before it, wasn’t the act, but the feeling of generosity, not expectation (mine or others’) that prompted it. The feeling of delicious self love.
My wish for you is to experience your own Epiphany this week that leads to a renewed commitment to love yourself fiercely and undeniably regardless of response from another. And your family and friends, like mine, will be nourished and fed by your expansiveness.